... No matter how much "science" or "common sense" you use
  1. Flinstones gummy vitamins
  2. KidCuisine meals
  3. Massively overwhelming introspection
    Bordering on self-flagellation
  4. Kudos bars
  5. Yogurt
    ESPECIALLY if it has granola
  6. Diet Coke
  7. Lean Cuisine
  8. FitFlops
  9. Reading ANYTHING... Even Jane Austen time travel romance garbage
  10. The evening news
  11. Pretzels
  12. Smoothies
  13. Popping some Advil and shoving my retainer on every few months
  14. Quaker dinoeggs oatmeal
  15. Sleeping without a bra on
  16. Talking about my feelings... A lot... Too much... Loudly
  17. Skim milk
  18. Not talking to my father
  19. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios
  20. Egg whites... Even though they give me a stomach ache
  21. Scratching an itch
  22. Not letting anyone talk to me in a mean, rude, or venomous manner. Not budging.
  23. Afrin