THINGS I AM NEVER LENDING AGAIN
The level of presumption in my daily life has reached mass quantity and I can no longer monetarily or emotionally afford to be generous.
- •Phone chargers"Oh it's no big deal, Jennifer has a ton." JENNIFER DOESN'T HAVE A TON, JENNIFER KNOWS HER EMOTIONAL LIMITS AND HAS JUST ENOUGH TO KEEP HER CONSTANTLY PLUGGED IN. Also they're like $22 dickheads
- •My timeJust because you theoretically have access to me 24/7 does not mean you are entitled to me 24/7. And if you are going to send me "??" if I don't text you back within 2 hours, I'm going to assume you are my personal assistant and demand you get me a Cafe Americano
- •SunglassesMy eyes are BLUE and SENSITIVE and I spend TIME finding frames that FLATTER my ROUND head. Hand back the $18 ASOS glasses
- •Bottles of lotionStaying hydrated is important to you? I wouldn't know because all my lotion gets pilfered the second I get back from CVS
- •LiquorI need it.
- •DVDs"Jennifer is so quaint. She still buys DVDs. And she has so many! Let me just borrow this copy of "Steel Magnolias" and never give it back/sell it on Amazon because these movies aren't like her friends/siblings/children or anything. She's totally emotionally stable and can handle me stealing this."
- •UmbrellasI am sick of buying emergency shitty, overpriced barely-brellas because people weren't raised right.
- •Books"This looks interesting. I bet Jennifer wants someone to talk about this with. I bet she would lend it to me just to have some more interesting conversations. Let me nod my head a few times, take it, never read it, and never return it"
- •HairdryersThe number of times I have not gotten this particular splurge back has added up to nearly felonious levels of theft. Grand larceny of my good hair days.