TRUTHS MY MOTHER REFUSES TO ACCEPT

Kendra is the best, brightest, and funniest part of my life. Here is some stuff I cannot get her to believe. No matter how nicely I put it.
  1. My dad and I hate avocados
    She puts them in EVERYTHING still
  2. Cholesterol does clog arteries
    Her paleo "lifestyle" and weird books are lying to her! So says my brother in med school, who has "seen arteries clogged with cholesterol in my first year cadaver"
  3. Broad City is very funny
    "It's all too high brow Jennifer. You and your indie comedy. I like smart comedy. Like 'Fraiser'."
  4. She can walk out of a movie she doesn't like
    It's NOT "like I'm in jail"...
  5. She repeats herself
    100x more so when she's had even 1 drink
  6. If she plucks her eyebrows every night, her eyebrows will not grow in
  7. I do not want broccoli
  8. She will have more than just one bite of carrot cake
  9. I will brake in time for "THAT RED LIGHT"
  10. I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world *I am totally okay with this one*
  11. If we drive my car, she's buying me gas
  12. Pamela Anderson is not a style icon
  13. She should not be insulted when people say she looks like Cate Blanchett
  14. I will not be on SNL *Again, totally okay with this*
  15. I am not a computer genius because I can create columns in Microsoft Word or restart her email app
  16. It's rude to say someone's food looks gross while they are eating it
  17. She can check my Twitter and favorite each Tweet every day. Not every 22 days, in mass
  18. I will not "SPILL THAT"
    I am 23 years old. And I can carry a plate.