TRUTHS MY MOTHER REFUSES TO ACCEPT
Kendra is the best, brightest, and funniest part of my life. Here is some stuff I cannot get her to believe. No matter how nicely I put it.
- •My dad and I hate avocadosShe puts them in EVERYTHING still
- •Cholesterol does clog arteriesHer paleo "lifestyle" and weird books are lying to her! So says my brother in med school, who has "seen arteries clogged with cholesterol in my first year cadaver"
- •Broad City is very funny"It's all too high brow Jennifer. You and your indie comedy. I like smart comedy. Like 'Fraiser'."
- •She can walk out of a movie she doesn't likeIt's NOT "like I'm in jail"...
- •She repeats herself100x more so when she's had even 1 drink
- •If she plucks her eyebrows every night, her eyebrows will not grow in
- •I do not want broccoli
- •She will have more than just one bite of carrot cake
- •I will brake in time for "THAT RED LIGHT"
- •I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world *I am totally okay with this one*
- •If we drive my car, she's buying me gas
- •Pamela Anderson is not a style icon
- •She should not be insulted when people say she looks like Cate Blanchett
- •I will not be on SNL *Again, totally okay with this*
- •I am not a computer genius because I can create columns in Microsoft Word or restart her email app
- •It's rude to say someone's food looks gross while they are eating it
- •She can check my Twitter and favorite each Tweet every day. Not every 22 days, in mass
- •I will not "SPILL THAT"I am 23 years old. And I can carry a plate.