WHAT I DID THIS MORNING
My first paid job in my chosen profession begins tomorrow. This is how I chose to spend my last Sunday...
- •Dry heaved in the kitchen because the lettuce in my salad had gone bad
- •Had a meltdown in a fitting room.Remind me again why yoga pants aren't professional?
- •Drove past the house I lived in during middle school, smoking a cigarette - to symbolize that I am a grown goddamn adult woman, who can make her own (terrible) life choices
- •Blasted my "Girl on the Train" audiobook while driving around aimlessly, waiting for the mall to openVery real concern that I'm an alcoholic
- •Had this iPhone fixed because a hairline crack was RUINING MY LIFE
- •Got blunt bangs so I would stop looking like a "medieval prince" when I put my hair upThe stylist said he had never heard that one before (no shit, I'm insane) and asked me SEVERAL times if I was "ABSOLUTELY. SURE."?
- •Immediately began existential crisis over blunt bangs
- •Bought two new eyeshadows, because now my eyes are "the focal point of my face"
- •Purchased the bouquet, gift, and card for Mother's Day because I am a massive procrastinatorI wrote "Don't ever change" and "Have a kickass summer" in her Mother's Day card because I think I'm funny and I'm not
- •Declared bankruptcy