1. You're not fat and actually you look amazing. You should wear a bikini at all times and feel so happy about yourself.
  2. Your Sassy magazines will be worth money one day. You can get like $200 for Kurt and Courtney on eBay.
  3. Those YMs and Seventeens and Vanity Fairs you saved are worthless though. Even the one where all the girls from the WB are dressed as woodland fairies.
  4. Carpenter jeans are never a good idea. Only person who can pull those off is Jada Pinkett with a sports bra-type shirt. Maybe Vanessa Marcil.
  5. Stop plucking your eyebrows! You're fucking everything up! Eyebrows are not unlimited.
  6. Actually stop plucking altogether. Soon laser hair removal will be invented and your armpits will be silky smooth for life.
  7. That matte mocha Lancôme lipstick you spent $18 on looks like someone painted chocolate on your lips and not in a good way.
  8. The boy that you love is an evil gremlin and no good will come of knowing him. Maybe some poetry but that's it.
  9. Your sister will be your best friend one day so pay more attention to her right now, give her some rides, etc.
  10. Visit your grandpa in the nursing home one more time even though it makes you cry. He'll be gone soon and you will always regret it.
  11. Just give contacts a shot. What's the harm. Otherwise you will be a glasses girl for life and feel naked when people see your face without glasses.
  12. Don't bother piercing your ears. You're allergic to nickel. You will never get to the dangly earring stage so please stop trying.
  13. You should hook up with more people in high school so you have more stories to tell at your 10 year reunion.
  14. Put more effort into Model UN. You could win a gavel if you tried harder.
  15. But don't worry about trigonometry, nobody cares and you'll still get into a good college.