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  1. Every birth horror story they have ever heard. Possibly even fictional ones they saw on Grey's Anatomy.
  2. What your kid should eat
    It will probably be really specific and then 2 hrs later you'll find them shoving ice cream in your kid's face
  3. How long you should breastfeed
    Because you wouldn't want to be one of those "gross" moms with a healthy 2 year old who still drinks the most perfect food made on earth specifically for them (for free). God forbid they not live on a diet of French fries and sugar water.
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because I don't have cable and I was 2 seconds away from a nervous breakdown all night
  1. Snapped at my husband when he told me to put my whining baby "on my tit"
    Not his finest moment, or mine I'll admit, but srsly come on
  2. Put the dinner I made away after 2 bites and just drank wine instead
    An agent was about to die. Could you eat?
  3. Watched the last hour of the BBC Pride and Prejudice
    I needed to go to my happy place and Colin Firth needed to be there
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because when you live there it happens and you have to be chill about it
  1. Clay Aiken
    Came to eat at the restaurant I worked at which rhymes with Bubblehump Chimp Company. He hid behind menus he stood up across the front of his booth
  2. Jeff Daniels
    Ate at said restaurant with his family. I delivered their appetizer and had a hard time restraining myself from letting my inner Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain fangirl out.
  3. Alec Baldwin
    Saw him at the stage door after 'On the 20th Century' while I was on the phone with my mom for her birthday. I handed him the phone and asked he wish her a happy BDay which he did. He then told her that we were at a club and we were wasted. Naughty Alec Baldwin.
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  1. Dirty. Like, blowing black snot out of your nose, dirt between every one of your toes, sweat dripping from every crevice of your body kind of dirty.
  2. Builds patience. You think you're going to find that thing you're hoping you find today? Ha, no, maybe a few seasons from now. Or never.
  3. Uncomfortably close. You may and by may I mean will certainly experience your teammates' bodily odors, farts, weird eating habits, and any number of other things that may make you want to kill them.
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  1. So what kinds of dinosaurs have you found?
  2. Like Indiana Jones? But where's your Fedora?
  3. Wow, that's really cool. I've always wanted to be an archaeologist (srsly, I get that a lot)
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  1. Mom and baby matchy matchy cutie cutie
  2. Baby can fit both feet in mouth. Mom is jealous of his flexibility
  3. Baby pooped all over self in crib. Mom laughed and took picture before doing anything to help.
  4. Mom made food that actually looks appealing. Captured for posterity.
check out The Struggling Archaeologist's Guide to Getting Dirty on iTunes
  1. Every time I listen to a podcast I think "I can do that" or "I can do that better than them"
  2. Anthropologists can be boring as shiz. I am not boring as shiz.
  3. Lots of professionals don't want to sound anything less than academic genius. I am an archaeologist for the people.
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