Things Ll Cool J Likes in a Woman, According to His Song Around the Way Girl

If some reason you forgot, or need to be reminded - http://genius.com/Ll-cool-j-around-the-way-girl-lyrics
  1. Two pairs of bamboo earrings
    He's very specific here. He appreciates bamboo earrings, but also wants the female to be a planner, storing an extra set away, just in case she loses one. Not an awful idea to hoard earrings, but it does feel like he may be asking a lot, unless his love interest works at a Claire's Boutique or something.
  2. Camay soap
    LL mentions his hope for a honey coated complexion, going as far as suggesting she use a very specific Camay soap. I know he means well, hoping to cut down on her shopping time, but this is getting slightly creepy very fast. He's starting to sound like a real Peterson husband here, telling his lady exactly what she can and can't use. Calm down, LL, let her breathe.
  3. Rayon, silk or maybe even demin
    I appreciate his openness here, giving options when it comes to what she's allowed to wear, but keep in mind, these are the ONLY materials mentioned. He doesn't bring up cotton, and EVERYTHING has cotton. And does he expect her to check the tags on EVERYTHING she buys? Like she's a dry cleaner. And silk? Does he want to date Steven Tyler?
  4. A Bobby Brown button on her sleeve
    This is the one I can endorse. I am down for a woman who has selected Bobby as her favorite New Edition member, understanding that a fan who gets behind, say a Ralph Tresvant, doesn't have the foresight I need in a partner. Bobby may have become a hot mess over time, but back then he even made a song from Ghostbusters II bang, and that's not easy.
  5. Biking shorts
    I understand his need here, women look great in these, but he actually calls them "biking shorts," which I had never heard before, or since. Even a quick Google search, which I understand LL couldn't do back then, would show they're commonly known as "biker shorts." Maybe he's a stickler for realism, hinting that he wants his girlfriend to actually bike if she's gonna wear those shorts, but keep in mind he says earlier that her "smile is like sunshine," so he does understand symbolism.
  6. The ability to manipulate minds
    LL said, "You can break hearts and manipulate minds," which is both the closest he'll get to an Elliot Smith lyric and a nice concession after all his demands. But is he looking for lover or a Jedi? The LAST thing I want is for my significant other to be able to read, or change, my mind. That sounds fucking awful. These abilities are actually two of the last things I'm looking for in a girl, right behind being a Nazi or a pop punk fan.