THINGS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND DEFINITELY AM NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT

  1. I couldn’t help but wonder why I couldn’t help but wonder.
  2. In therapy, don’t say: “because the human condition.”
  3. He doesn’t like anything in real life, but he Likes a lot of things on the internet.
  4. I like it when someone says that something “is really something.”
  5. This afternoon, on Sixth Avenue, a young solicitor stepped in front of me, and tried to stop me, and — with a straight face and without missing a beat as I kept walking — he said to me, “Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Beyonce?”