THINGS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND DEFINITELY AM NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT

  1. He sleeps beneath a fitted sheet.
  2. Instead of a flat top sheet, he uses a fitted sheet as if it is a lightweight blanket with elastic that sort of wraps slightly around his feet and around his shoulders.
  3. He said something about it being "cozy."
  4. "Or," I said, "like a weak sleeping bag."
  5. I was not invited back.