1. Better to have loved and lost than to have not thrown that toy into the toilet.
  2. A penny saved is a penny swallowed.
  3. That's one small step for a man, but it still makes me want to take his shoes and hide them.
  4. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you get to play with live worms.
  5. With great power comes outlet covers, which are not that hard to remove.
  6. It is always darkest just after your parents fall asleep, which is when you should wake up and scream for them.
  7. Necessity is the mother of— wait, other people have mothers too? I thought Mommy was everybody's mother...!
  8. An eye for an eye leaves all of your stuffed animals without eyes.
  9. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting your parents won't eventually just give in and let you have your way.
  10. Life is like a box of chocolates: you should eat them all before Mommy and Daddy notice.
  11. Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what a country is, and what color is it, and what does it taste like.
  12. Speak softly and carry a big stick, until you accidentally poke yourself in the eye, and then speak loudly, and drop the stick wherever you happen to be standing.
  13. If at first you don't succeed, whine.