IF MY TWO-YEAR-OLD WAS IN CHARGE OF HOME DECOR...

  1. No shelves more than two feet off the ground. If it's in the house, it has to be reachable.
  2. Contents of the medicine cabinet should be dispersed throughout the house so there is always a colorful yet dangerous object to shake within arm's reach whenever the urge occurs.
  3. Neverending fruit bowl. There is always a new banana to carry around for hours.
  4. The couch should be made entirely of acorns, and upholstered with laminated photographs of mommy and daddy that can be pointed to all day.
  5. Remote controls need to have even more buttons, but the buttons have to do more obvious stuff. Why don't the TV remotes turn on the ceiling fan, or the microwave, or make toys come to life?
  6. More parking spaces in the living room for red wagon. Red wagon is bored stuck all the way in the corner.
  7. Entire floor should be one big piece of paper to scribble on. Also all scribbles should glow in the dark.
  8. Bookcase shelves have built-in pillows for sleeping. Because who doesn't want to sleep in a bookcase?
  9. Refrigerator is not exempt from no-shelves-more-than-two-feet-high rule. Also, refrigerator door needs to be kept open at all times. (Someone else can figure out the science of how to keep the food cold.)
  10. Toddlers get iPhones too. And computers. And drinking glasses made of (unbreakable) glass.
  11. More pens. Pens everywhere. Everywhere.