Ineffective Arguments To Get Your Toddler To Go Back To Sleep When He Wakes Up at 5 AM

  1. "It is dark out."
  2. "Mommy and Daddy are very tired."
  3. "The cereal is still sleeping."
  4. "It is against the law to get out of bed this early and the police are going to arrest you."
  5. "If you don't go back to sleep, we are going to give your toys away."
  6. "Monsters are downstairs waiting to eat you so you had better hide quietly in your bed until they leave."
  7. "Kids who wake up this early don't have any friends."
  8. "Grandma would be very sad if she knew you were awake right now and maybe her sadness would be so overwhelming that she would have to move far away and you would never see her again."
  9. "If you go back to sleep, you can have cookies for breakfast, as long as you accept that my definition of cookie includes a fistful of leftover oatmeal flattened into a patty with a raisin on top."
  10. "Your blanket is angry because you aren't sleeping on it anymore and angry blankets are very hard to deal with and will cause bad things to happen and if you don't really understand what I'm trying to say, you're right, I am not making a lot of sense because it is early and I am tired and please sleep."
  11. "It is light out now but please go back to sleep anyway."
  12. "Okay, fine, we can wake up the cereal but please don't scream at it because it has a headache."