My 2-Year-Old's Bedtime Story

A few months ago, we started making up stories to tell him as the last part of our bedtime routine. He insists on directing the story, saying no if we make a choice he doesn't like and making us try again, and then once we stumble on something he approves of, it becomes a permanent part of the story going forward. So this is his story:
  1. Arthur (the anteater), Franklin (the turtle), You, Mommy and Daddy are in the kitchen and hear a noise.
  2. Is it coming from the refrigerator? No. Is it coming from the oven? No. Is it coming from the chandelier? No. It's coming from the pantry.
  3. Slowly, cautiously, you open the pantry... and it's a pig.
  4. The pig is eating... Grandma.
  5. You stop the pig from eating Grandma and you get on the pig's back and ride the pig.
  6. All the way to Kansas.
  7. Where you and the pig find the biggest synagogue, and you go in.
  8. And the pig eats the whole challah.
  9. So everyone comes out of the sanctuary, excited for challah, but there's no challah. The rabbi asks, what happened to the challah?
  10. The pig admits he ate it, and apologizes. And everyone forgives him and lets him come to the bar mitzvah anyway, where he sings and dances and eats more food, including all of the lox.
  11. Then you get on his back again and you ride to Missouri, where the pig eats another challah.
  12. And then you ride the pig all the way to Canada, where we go out for pizza with our friends who live in Canada, and the pizza is really good and we have lots of fun...
  13. Before you get back on the pig and this time he flies and you end up all the way in Africa.
  14. Where you see a giraffe and a hippopotamus and a gorilla and a tiger and a zebra and a yak.
  15. And Grandma, who has no teeth because she lost them and all she has in her mouth is a tongue.
  16. And Grandpa, who is also your sister.
  17. And then all of us come back to New York and we're very tired so we go to sleep.
  18. And sleep all night.
  19. But then wake up in the morning and have French toast.
  20. With maple syrup.
  21. And hear a noise in the pantry.
  22. And it's a goat.
  23. Eating Grandma.