My Three-Year-Old's Alternative Facts

  1. Mommy and Daddy don't require any sleep.
  2. Kids wear diapers forever.
  3. You can put a broken banana back together again.
  4. The floor is not dirty and it's perfectly reasonable to eat from it.
  5. People don't need to take baths.
  6. Chocolate is an appropriate breakfast.
  7. Daddy can carry me for an indefinite period of time even though I weigh 30 pounds.
  8. The library doesn't need its books back.
  9. It is not raining, it is never raining.
  10. There is no poo in my diaper, no matter what you just saw and what it smells like.
  11. I can be quiet in Daddy's office during his important conference call, I do not need Grandma to come over and watch me, I will just sit on Daddy's couch and quietly entertain myself and will totally, totally not start screaming when the call starts.
  12. Sugar does not affect behavior.