1. I made way too much shrimp yesterday. This photo was from yesterday. I planned on making crab cakes from the beginning but fuck it, let's not waste this shrimp.
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  2. Ok, first off, open a can of wine..
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  3. And then get the fucking leftover shrimp from the fridge..
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  4. Pick the four best looking shrimp and put them aside for a cocktail. Preferably involve an owl.
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  5. Chop up the shrimp. Assume you have like a half a pound. I dunno.
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  6. Go to the fridge and find a half pound of crab. If you have no crab, call the police.
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  7. Put the shrimp and crab in a bowl, breaking up the crab it's too big. (Yes, with your hands)
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  8. Put the bowl in the fridge to hide it from this motherfucker. She's a prick.
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  9. Eat some cocktail. Give cat the finger.
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  10. Put a bunch of shit in a bowl. Eyeball it. A good amount of mayo, and an egg. A dollop of whatever mustard you have around (I had some beer flavored Dijon shit) and like a teaspoon of old bay (measure that). Get pissed cos you don't have Worcestershire sauce and that you had to google how to spell it. You forgot lemon juice as well. Fuck it.
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  11. Whisk it anyways.
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  12. Dump that shit on top of the shrimp and crab.
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  13. Mix it in but don't go overboard. Open second can of wine. Yeah, it's been like 15 minutes.
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  14. The recipe called for parsley but you don't have that. Chop up some green onions instead.
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  15. These are chopped green onions.
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  16. Save some for a garnish. Things might get rough.
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  17. You guessed it. Mix in the rest of the onions.
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  18. Add like a cup of breadcrumbs. Panko duh.
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  19. Again, don't over mix. Drink more wine tho
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  20. Stick it in the fridge.
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    Thank god we got coffee for tomorrow.
  21. Watch a movie or something. I chose Ratatouille but barely watched it cos I was making this list. It needs like an hour or three to chill.
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  22. The cat fell asleep thank god maybe it'll be forever
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  23. Ok, the movie is over and we're out of cans of wine so we gotta switch to beer. Totally cool cos crab cakes and beer forever.
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  24. After you shotgun a beer get the thing of stuff out of the fridge and dump it on something. I added this part. It seemed the easiest way to equally split it up into 8 patties.
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  25. Oh, the recipe thing said you could coat them in panko if you want so I did that on half of them. Cook those second.
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  26. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
  27. Throw a little bit of olive oil, like half a stick of butter in a pan and fuck it, grab the leftover green onion stalks and throw them in.
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  28. Cook em on medium for like 4-5 minutes a side until it looks good enough to eat.
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    Yeah, that's panic butter.
  29. Find that chill owl and cover him in cakes.
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  30. Don't forget to get the fried onions stalks out of the pan. They're like chips now. Chips are good.
  31. Final step, get a second beer and turn on Total Recall.
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    I watched Strange Days last night. I'm on a memory/experience kick.
  32. Now eat them, unless you wanna be profoundly wasteful... then just throw them away for the fuck of it and order a pizza. You monster.
  33. P.S. If I could do it all over again they would be all crab. The shrimp wasn't bad but you know crab is better too.
  34. 💋
  35. Of course, today I find the Worcestershire sauce fml
  36. Leftovers. This time with a parsley salad. Looks like I shot that owl in the head. (Unplanned Rorschach test)
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