Ideas for Group Layoffs

A little brainstorming session this morning with @spillman and tobias, who has been invited to @list but is too lazy to register. No no, we had no real reason to make this list. Not at all. It was completely unprompted. No one is laying people off tomorrow. Update: @tobias finally joined. Guilt works, people.
  1. Gather everyone in a room and give each a card. “If you’re holding the queen of diamonds, you still have a job. Everyone else get out”
    You are holding the queen of diamonds. As they exit, optionally say, "I *am* the queen of diamonds." 👑
  2. Take everyone out for coffee and say, “Oh, I forgot something at the office!”
    Go back to the office and lock the door.
  3. Musical chairs in an empty room, except the seat you are in.
    Don't even bother bringing in something to play music.
  4. How many fingers do I have extended behind my back?
    You hold a closed fist. But it doesn't matter because if they guess that, you extend your middle finger. Ya' burnt!
  5. Have them pick their favorite emoji...
    ... and then fire them in the style of that emoji.
  6. First person to touch their nose has a job...
    ...said while touching your nose.
  7. Take absolutely no action whatsoever and let your employees fire each other. Only the strong and cunning should be left standing.
    Suggested by   @danpolis
  8. Fly everyone down to Jackson, MS and then tell them, "all y'all fired".
    Suggested by   @elooto
  9. Place one sword in the middle of a circle of assembled persons. Scream "there can only be one". See what happens.
    Suggested by   @dev