Things I'm Bad At

Making lists like this will be in the next edition.
  1. Dentistry
    Performing or receiving.
  2. Knowing when to release a hug
    Hold me. Forever.
  3. Turning off auto-renew on domains purchased while drunk.
  4. Making phone calls
    I make scripts in my head I can't possibly use (because they never fucking follow them) and all I really wanna know is how late you're open.
  5. Making shorter scripts for phone calls.
    Like: "hello" and then wing it, I guess. Fucking scary out there.
  6. Answering phone calls
    People never mean to call me and and it's heartbreaking each time.
  7. Eye contact
    I barely have eye lashes and I really don't want to know if you have picked up on this.
  8. Remembering names, even if I say it back, right away.
    I drink too much.
  9. Not making scripts for phone calls.
    If they answer, they're at least willing to talk. It'll be ok. Breathe. It's just a conversation with someone that you can't see. They probably have you on speakerphone so their friends can mock you as well. Drawing pictures of how they want you to die. Of course you stuttered trying to say your name. Wish I had a corded phone so I can asphyxiate myself with it after. Preferably yellow. I love yellow phones. White floor, yellow cord, blue face; me right after this call.
  10. Saying no to coca cola
    I blame my father.
  11. Being vegan
    great for dick health tho
  12. Quitting smoking
    great for dick health tho
  13. Saying no to coke
    Thank god my friends never carry.
  14. Introducing people, generally because I don't know both names
    I drink too much.
  15. Knowing how much sushi to order
  16. Using languages other than English or Objective C
    Objective C was the closest to English I could find.
  17. Making small talk with strangers
  18. Making small talk with friends
  19. Finishing lists