Some amazing things I have not done

  1. Saved a baby falling from a treacherous ledge.
  2. Rescued a coworker from malicious radiation poising.
  3. Given my kids a four hour piggyback ride.
  4. Grilled the perfect steak and given it to a stray dog.
  5. Jumped out of an airplane to the sick tunes of Journey and landed in a perfect arabesque.
  6. Read all of the Internet.
  7. Climbed the tallest tree in my yard and shouted, 'take that you tall, wooden beauty!'
  8. Given a monkey a banana.
  9. Owned an air popping, popcorn maker.