1. I am freshman at Ithaca College
  2. I have been at the protests and walk-outs
  3. at first adjusting to college was hard
  4. I considered myself independent, but I didn't take account that even though in high school, I was often the only student of color in my classes, I always had my family to come home to.
  5. I have some really nice friends, and we've been talking about all this.
  6. in the dorms, we talk about the campus police, and Blue Sky, and the racist frat party, and Tom Rochon.
  7. we talk about the press we got on Wednesday.
  8. we talk about how as a student of color, you are expected and forced to be the exception to the rule, the token. Represent your race in a class of white faces. Or even to speak for everyone who isn't white.
  9. we talk about how you feel like you can never rest or leave or stop
  10. today is Cortaca, a huge D3 football game. People started drinking last night, into the morning.
  11. There have been threats on Facebook and Yik Yak and Twitter. If there were any protests at the game, "if POC at IC tries to pull anything."
  12. Yesterday, I found out about Paris through list app, then a text from my cousin.
  13. I was worried about registering for next semester's classes all day. I was at academic advising. I filled out like 8 forms. I haven't gotten into any of the classes I need or want.
  14. Every freshman on campus was a ball of stress yesterday morning. A lot were angry yesterday afternoon, about their classes. Before.
  15. I felt like I should have known sooner.
  16. I had been talking to my professor, hours earlier.
  17. We were talking about student activism, and how he wouldn't be able to be here teaching without it.
  18. At SF State in 1968, various student groups of color formed a coalition called the Third World Liberation Front. Among other things, they demanded the formation of the first Ethnic Studies department in the US.
  19. We told him how student activism might stem out of how we are fully immersed and surrounded in the climate and tension and issues every day because we live, work, study, hang out, and sleep on campus.
  20. He said that when he was in college, he didn't know the US was participating in the Gulf War until he went home for Thanksgiving.
  21. In college, you're focused and busy and young.
  22. I had called my mom a couple times that morning, which doesn't happen that often. I told her I bought my bus ticket for Thanksgiving, and about my classses.
  23. I had been texting a friend from home, catching up. I facetimed my cousin, venting about registration.
  24. It was almost like the world set me up to know that this was a day that I needed people
  25. I felt isolated and weird. And sad.
  26. Other people were already pre-gaming, wasted outside my window, screaming out around the quads that had been filled with a thousand students a few days ago.
  27. The wet pavement packed with their very bodies against the ground, completely silent for 20 minutes. Begging for people to hear.
  28. I felt desperate.
  29. I was there.
  30. Today I am lying in my bed, typing this list. I have 14 minutes to decide if I want to go to Cortaca.
  31. update:
    I didn't go