Inspired by @sophiack @ltoiaivao I didn't apply for this thing but I can't sleep so I wrote this list rn bye
  1. Important! Which Presidential Candidates Like The Moon
  2. Hero Dog! Will Die Eventually
  3. Brave! Woman Eats Both A Bagel And A Donut In The Span Of One Day
  4. Wow! Teen Boy Seems Nice, Follows Fox News On Twitter
  5. Nostalgia! Remember When We All Were Attached To Umbilical Cords
  6. Shocking! Teen Masturbates
  7. Tragic! This Woman Didn't Know She Unfollowed Baby Animal Instagram Account
  8. Powerful! Local Man Doesn't Like Pizza OR Sushi
  9. Inspiring! This Beam Of Sunlight Is Drunk And A Humanist
  10. Wow! Omelettes And Scrambled Eggs Are Totally Different Things After All
  11. Spooky! Straight Cis White Male Thought That Joke Was Fun
  12. Truth! We Are All Dying
  13. Hot! Wolves Are Just Scarier Dogs But There Are No Weredogs
  14. Amazing! We Know Which Of Your Favorite Characters Are Not Real Live People