Inspired by @sarahgorman
  1. my hand looks weird holding my phone in mirror selfies
  2. ppl think that I think that I'm too cool for school with my display name in all lowercase
  3. I'm a dad bc I have, on occasion, set my phone on the table and used my index finger
  4. my fall from twitter grace, I flew too close to the sun and now mad ppl unfollowed
  5. I get sad when somebody unfollows bc I know it's prob bc I forgot to follow them back and they're probably gr8 and we could have been list friends if I wasn't such a lazy disorganized shithead
  6. I listen to a lot of podcasts but not the most famous ones: Serial and Welcome to the Nightvale
  7. sometimes I like my own instagram pictures bc I like it when there is a satisfying round number of likes