personal statistics i want to see at the end of my life

  1. how many bobby pins i've lost over the course of my life
  2. amount of money i would have made if i had picked up every piece of change i saw on the ground
  3. percentage of time spent trying to unlock my iphone and getting the code wrong
  4. amount of money i would have saved on gas if i didn't drive a 15 year old truck
  5. how many times i've passed a serial killer on the street
  6. amount of money spent on coffee
    this would be so damning
  7. how many miles i've ever traveled
  8. how many hours i spent laughing at jokes that weren't funny out of sheer pity for the person talking