DAYS WHEN I REALIZED I'M A TOTAL DOUCHE

And that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that
  1. The day I said, "Hey, I could have a beard"
  2. The day I bought my first cardigan
  3. The day I bought my twelfth cardigan
  4. The day I stopped listening to Coldplay because they were too mainstream.
  5. The day I started listening to bands with names like Trailer Trash Tracies
  6. The day I said the phrase "I knew them before they were popular" for the first time
  7. The day I watched The Royal Tenenbaums
  8. The day my mother told me I was a douche