REAL THINGS I SAW WHILE WAITRESSING AT T.G.I. FRIDAYS

  1. A woman asking for 9 sides of ranch
  2. A man spanking my 🍑 because it was lunchtime and he felt like it
  3. My soul melting into a pot of Jack Daniels sauce
  4. A dirty diaper on a table
  5. A milk shake flying in the air after a kid squeezed it too hard
    Landed in grandma's purse
  6. A potato skin that looked like me in ten years if I slept with a cook and had his kid out of wedlock
  7. The floor in the women's restroom covered in 💩
  8. Non tippers on Christmas Day
  9. A ransom note on a 2 for 20 menu after I kidnapped the ungrateful couple who didn't tip
  10. A child receiving cocktail sauce instead of marinara on his pasta
  11. My tears garnishing a Mudslide