Things my husband & I have discussed regarding our dog. I've omitted names to protect the identities of both parties (idiots).
  1. "Do you ever carry him like a baby?"
  2. "His breath is so gross...Smell it."
  3. "OMG Did you just touch his dick? Wash your hands."
  4. "You're his owner, not his friend."
  5. "Guess who had a huge poop?" (Coming in from a walk)
  6. "The directions say to massage the shampoo into his fur for 5 minutes. That was not 5 minutes!"