Top 8 Questions My Students Ask Me

I teach high school English and I like it. A lot.
  1. 1.
    What's my grade right now?
    They ask this everyday, repeatedly.
  2. 2.
    What can I do to raise my grade?
    Answer: Your work...on time.
  3. 3.
    What are you doing this weekend?
    MYOB, kid.
  4. 4.
    When are you going to have kids?
    Obvi, this is my favorite. The answer is always different and always lengthy and will hopefully teach them not to ask this of anyone ever again.
  5. 5.
    Do I have to cite?
    Answer: If you didn't write it, better cite it! Plagiarism is for jerks.
  6. 6.
    Can I text my mom back?
    Answer: No, you're in my class. As evidenced in #4, this is a mom-free zone.
  7. 7.
    What was life like before technology?
    Dial it back, kid.
  8. 8.
    Are we going to have to write about this?
    It's an English class...