Thoughts I Had While Trying to Meditate

I read that meditating for twenty minutes a day is medically proven to improve your circulatory system, brain function and stress and anxiety levels. Sounds easy enough...
  1. Okay so I'm sitting comfortably in a quiet place with my eyes closed. Now what?
  2. I guess just like clear your mind?
  3. Okay trying to clear my mind
  4. Shit! I forgot to go to the bank and now it's closed.
  5. Stop! Focus on... not focusing on anything.
  6. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
  7. Okay thinking the word "nothing" is not the same as thinking nothing.
  8. Am I supposed to make a sound. Maybe like an "Ohmmmm"?
  9. Nope. That feels silly.
  10. What am I going to eat for lunch?
  11. No! Stop thinking.
  12. Man, I sure have to breathe a lot.
  13. Maybe concentrate on my breathing.
  14. Breathing. Breathing.
  15. Oh no. Now I can't breathe without thinking about it. If I stop concentrating on my breathing I'll die!
  16. Do other people have this much trouble not thinking?
  17. What if there's something wrong with me? What if I have an overactive brain disease?
  18. Was that an earthquake or is this chair wobbling?
  19. Hmm, this might make an interesting list.
  20. Is my twenty minutes up yet?