Ok, I can get high-and-mighty about Insta-weirdos, but tbqh, I commit these crimes without a second thought! [note: I am actually genuine, truly, I'm just an IG-criminal! No biggie]
  1. non-apologetic self-gratuitous af yoga pose brushed off with a #slowyourselfdown tag.
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  2. morning coffee in bed... do I do an overhead shot, or a thinly veiled vanity version 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️
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  3. #tbt guys to that time I was super pretty and got wasted on bottomless mimosas but not really, you knowwwwww?! Oh, did I mention I was #abroad?!
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  4. the tag a celebrity and veil that weirdness with a 'whoa, look what I found in a bookstore, coincidence' comment. Lord Jesus, have mercy!
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    ...and then post it on his app! I'm priceless, truly! S/O: hey, Beej x
  5. The two best friends photograph their food before eating it and then bag out weirdos who post obsessive selfies...
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  6. the selfie, but worst... the I'm not even trying to selfie selfie. Commit me, commit me now. I'm, like, hella guilty, Your Honor
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    Trust me, I know what I'm doing! We all do!
  7. The look at my music tastes... in line, with popular culture... but it like totally resonates with me and where I'm at in life, and it's like Kan....YAWN-fucking-yawn, Jessica!
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  8. the text repost.
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  9. the coerce your brother-in-law to take candids of you in your bikini and the need to be super chill because some rando dog just bombed your perfect shot and be like, ugh, dogs are crazy, right?! Huh! Yep. Sincerely, the craziest!
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  10. the weather post... FUCKING SEDATE ME. Take away my access to Instagram. I will recommit this crime, guaranteed.
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  11. the cute, I work out post... carefully curated because I look shitty when I run, so here's one of me stretching!
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    Worst: this is a recycled photo from a pic sent to a friend, so IG, y'all got sloppy seconds! Not sorry!
  12. the beach heals me post (and incidentally the one that inspired this list!)
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  13. the TGIF post, with a carefree comment about loving life with my bestie.
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