A FEMINIST RANT ABOUT A BELOVED CHRISTMAS SONG

  1. I have a serious beef with a Christmas song that I love.
  2. Run, Run Rudolph
  3. That's right, Chuck Berry, I'm looking at you.
  4. I originally loved this song as a kid because it's part of the epic Home Alone soundtrack and the chaos of the scene is so much fun.
  5. Now I love it with nostalgia and because it's a good rock 'n' roll song and always a pleasant change after 9 slowwww songs in a row.
  6. EXCEPT
  7. When he gets to the part where Santa asks the kids what they want.
  8. The boy wants a "rock and roll electric guitar"
  9. And the girl wants "a little baby doll that can cry, sleep, drink and wet"
  10. EXSQUEEZE ME?
  11. Normally gender stereotypes like this don't bother me too much. I usually think they're stupid but I don't pay them much mind.
  12. This is different.
  13. Because this is a rock and roll song and obviously the coolest thing to get for Christmas would be a rock and roll electric guitar.
  14. If the boy asked for a fire truck or a cowboy hat, fine, whatever. You're being a little narrow-minded but it's Christmas, let's all just relax.
  15. But not when the boy gets to be just like Chuck Berry and the girl just gets some plain old doll.
  16. Chuck Berry is a BIG DEAL.
  17. (He's the cousin in Back to the Future that Marvin, the injured band member, calls when Marty is rocking out.)
  18. "You know that new sound you've been looking for? Well listen to THIS"
    Just so we're all clear, "Johnny B Goode" is a Chuck Berry song.
  19. He's a founding father of rock and roll.
    Also, Richard Gilmore loved him.
  20. It's like if Buzz Aldren declared every little boy should get a space ship and every little girl a doll.
  21. (For the record, I'm currently a SAHM and a baby that can cry, sleep, drink and wet is pretty much my daily reality.)
    And I LOVE IT. But I don't need any single person telling me that's all I'm capable of. If I want to play a rock and roll electric guitar, I'll play a rock and roll electric guitar!
  22. I was also super annoyed when Kelly Clarkson covered it on her new album and didn't change the words.
    Kelly, baby, I thought you'd do better than that.
  23. Yeah, no thanks. If all the boys are going to space I'd at least like the option.
  24. That's all. In the grand Christmas scheme of things it's not big of a deal at all, but jeez Chuck, way to bring a girl down.
  25. The end.