WHAT I LEARNED IN VEGAS

Who knew vacation could be so enlightening!
  1. 1.
    You can see the Grand Canyon on the flight there!
    Or at least, I did!
  2. 2.
    Misters are Life
    In almost every outdoor area that includes seating. This was hilarious to me at first because the humidity can be insane in NJ and I was like, who ADDS moisture to the air? And then about 4 minutes later I was like, oh I get it.
  3. 3.
    Anyone who is tall and tan and beautiful and wearing white is probably not American.
    Not a big surprise here, we specialize in ugly tourists.
  4. 4.
    My heart cannot handle the showgirls on the Strip who pose for pictures
    They were all so young and sweet and I just want to wrap them up in blankets and give them hot chocolate and help them make a 5 year plan that doesn't have to involve being almost groped by gross tourists 18x an hour. I mean, be empowered to do whatever you want but also if you don't want to, can I just take you home with me and help you find a new job?
  5. 5.
    I also cannot handle the tshirts that 30% of the men were wearing
    My favorite so far as "You. Me. Bed. Now." UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
  6. 6.
    Okay I thought that one was the worst until my husband found this:
    😒😒😒😒
  7. 7.
    @TQ doesn't play when it comes to food
    We went to Hash House A Go Go as per his recommendation and it was awesome. I mean, portions that could feed a crowd of small children but look at this drink!!
  8. 8.
    Vacation Jess is the happiest Jess of all
    Okay duh. But I haven't been on a vacation like this since our honeymoon: at a resort, absolutely no plans except laying out at the pool and going out to eat, etc. It was so relaxing and needed and amazing. I literally smiled all day and talked to everyone I saw because I was like "ISN'T VACATION THE BEST?!!"
  9. 9.
    I LOVE PEOPLE
    Introverted Jess is happiest as Vacation Jess. It's perfect because I hate the claustrophobia of feeling like I have to talk to people or spend time with them. So, I made friends with everyone. Housekeeping, bar tenders, homeless people, fellow pool-goers, gamblers, EVERYONE. And then I'm out. ✌🏼️
  10. 10.
    Free stuff is totally worth the time
    My favorite was the Bellagio fountains but I didn't get a photo. This is the Mirage volcano and that was pretty sweet too. Honestly, I'm on board for anything that's free and only requires showing up 10 minutes before it starts.
  11. 11.
    The Strip made me miss Europe
    Caesars, the Venetian, etc. They're corny but elaborate enough to still be kind of impressive and make me say, "I want to go to there" about a dozen times.
  12. 12.
    Pokemon Go is the ultimate motivator
    A guy, maybe in his 40s, was handing out club promo cards on the street and tried to get the attention of a group of young college-age guys. "Free drinks!" he yelled and they were like nahhh and kept walking. Then he was like "WE HAVE LOTS OF POKEMON!" and one of the guys did like a half-shrug and turned around and said "okay yeah I'll take one." Amazing.
  13. 13.
    Finally, I'm fully committed to having a pool like this
    I didn't learn anything in this case, I just want it.