CONVERSATIONS WITH MY COUSIN TONIGHT

Here is a detailed and unexaggerated list of things my 25yr old cousin and I discussed tonight. We are real AF.
  1. The time I got so drunk and waffle stomped my vomit down a hotel shower drain
    See: waffle stomp
  2. How I'd totally let Jussie Smollett put his sword in my moonlight.
    See: He Man.
  3. Which family members would get snubbed at our wedding.
    FYI we are not planning on marrying each other. Respective partners. We are close, but not that close.
  4. The episode of law & order svu where Dylan Mackay was a giant rapist and raped Clair Dunphey and Darlene from Roseanne.
    FYI season 10, Ep 1
  5. The time I watched my Mum clock someone for calling her a slut.
    Mama takes no shiz.
  6. The ingredients that I should use to prepare my fresh juice tomorrow before work.
    FYI: coconut water, half an orange, half an apple, 1/4 carrot, half a small lemon, two slivers of ginger, 1/4 med cucumber, half a stalk of celery and some ice. Best ever.
  7. All the times that old men have shamelessly hit on me.
    They are like a moth to a flame. The flame being me. FYI.
  8. How a foot with one toe would look.
    I feel like I could vomit. What kind of sick asshole would do something like this?
  9. The weather
    It's awful. And cold.