THINGS TO DO WHEN YOURE UP LATE WITH A FIRE CROTCH DUE TO A UTI

According to my cousin and I. You're welcome, btw. πŸ‘ŒπŸΌπŸ‘―πŸ”₯
  1. β€’
    Drink orange juice.
    It won't soothe the burning pain but it'll make your bowels move along nicely.
  2. β€’
    Use a heat pack
    Add a heat pack or hot water bottle until your labia is bright red with heat rash that resembles a mild case of herpes simplex A.
  3. β€’
    Hydrate
    Drinking so much water you nearly drown yourself in your attempt to put out the scorching flames in your loins.
  4. β€’
    Eat razor blades
    It's probably less pain than trying to urinate them out.
  5. β€’
    Distract.
    watch Law and Order SVU or Friends whilst icing your fire crotch.
  6. β€’
    Drown your sorrows
    More drinking gin to drown the pain of said burning vagina caused by drinking and / or sex. Careful not to mix alcohol with fire..... πŸ’£
  7. β€’
    Tell LIST.APP some personal shit.
    Write a list about ways to distract yourself when your vagina feels like it has the flames of hell burning within it.
  8. β€’
    Pressure
    Walk around with your hand on your vagina pressing hard so you don't have to bother yourself by tensing your loins kegal style for like, a fucking week, to avoid the discomfort and constant burning. Fuck people who stare, send a fire ball at them. AYUKEEEEEN.
  9. β€’
    Cry.
    Cos it's the damn pits.