Things Shirley Taught Me
Shirley is my 85 year old grandma. She's kooky.
- 1.Sing Christmas songs all year longI'm pretty sure she is the one that has kept Santa's sleigh aloft, not Buddy the elf and the city of New York.
- 2.Young male Native American casino workers? YUM.And flirting with them in front of your granddaughter isn't awkward at all.
- 3.Anyone that doesn't know the front of the crochet project from the back should be shot.Enough said.
- 4.Onions don't belong in ANY food, EVER!But if they are cut up real tiny-like and thoroughly cooked, and you don't tell her they are in the food, and she never finds out, then it's acceptable.
- 5.For God's sake, don't choose a complicated crochet pattern!Because you are probably going to fall asleep at 2am, yarn in hand, head hanging, mouth drooling, and you will never remember where you left off.
- 6.Sing "My Bonnie" as loud and out of tune as you can.In between Christmas songs, that is.
- 7.UFOs are real, damnit!They seem to only appear when waking up at 3:00 am, yarn in hand, head hanging, and mouth drooling.
- 8.While we're at it, so are ghosts.
- 9.Calling your kids or grandkids "assholes" when they reveal that there were, in fact, onions in your food, is perfectly acceptable.That was an asshole thing to do.
- 10.You are never too old to flip off the camera.It's a crowd pleaser - the grandkids love it!
- 11.Give ice cream to your grandkids whenever they want it.And especially after their parents told you not to. Who are they to tell you what to do? Assholes.
- 12.Don't even think about eating my Pringles!Don't let them use the old "once you pop, you can't stop" excuse. Pop them right in the nose if they try it.
- 13.Staying positive in the face of adversity is difficult, but possible.Losing a young sister in a fire, losing a child, deeply loving a WWII 101st Airborne Division vet with severe PTSD symptoms, then losing him, and beginning to lose your memory, yet staying positive and carrying on says so. Oh, add a fair amount of family drama into the mix, too. My grandma is awesome.