Things I Do at Parties

  1. Change the music
    When it comes to millennials, there is a 50/50 chance they listen to dog shit.
  2. Use an empty beer bottle as a prop
    I'm not a huge drinker, but I'm also not prepared to talk about that all night.
  3. Make a far too offensive joke in order to establish the sense of humor of the group
    This is what funny people call, "dipping your toes in."
  4. Ask people about their uncles
    This is a great conversation starter. Most people have uncles and most of the time there is a story to tell about them.
  5. Find out where the weed is being smoked and smoke it
    Drugs are great and smoking makes you cool.
  6. Forget people's names
    Immediately.