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  1. Opine
    So much fucking opining
  2. Permissible
    No one cares. That word has meaning to one person: the SEC (it's just one lady right?).
  3. Fit for purpose
    I feel 100% sure this is a made up phrase being used incorrectly. Even worse when someone says, "fitness for purpose"
  4. Accelerate
    No one thinks risk or legal accelerate things. Stop trying so hard.
But I'm trying to be better
  1. 1.
    Drivers. Uber drivers get a slight pass but taxis and car services... fuccccccck you (mostly).
    I understand we all need resources to do our jobs but if you can't get me from PABT to 345 Park without GPS and for under $11, I'm going to be texting angrily to bored friends about you because this is your actual job and knowing where places are is kind of a critical job skill.
  2. 2.
    Complaining about lack of sleep
    I get it, I really do, it's so stupid to get irritated by it but it's just so cliché. No one is getting enough sleep, and save me the "you don't have kids so you don't know" speech. You're right, I don't and you don't work 90 hours a week. Let's just all agree we're tired, take an adderall and get on with life. (I know... polarizing topic)
  3. 3.
    Men in sleep masks
    I'm so childish, who would get angry about this? Me, that's who. I may be single forever unless someone tells men to stop doing this.
2 more...
  1. When Judd Apatow was a surprise guest at the Q&A after the afternoon screening of Don't Think Twice (#dontthinkmovie - go see it!)
  2. This salad
  3. French Bordeaux
When the E train is right there...
  1. I don't feel like sharing personal space right now
  2. It's only $8 extra dollars and my sanity is worth that much
  3. My bag is so heavy, I don't have the energy to carry it. I deserve this cab for even making it this far.
3 more...
I flew 200,000 miles last year and got some perks
  1. Thanks to a work project in Brazil, I made my entire way through the Delta ranks in a single year...all as a result of my ass in an airplane seat since my credit score is too low to get a card that gives miles
  2. First comes gold
    The perks are few but things like boarding first(ish) significantly eases the anxiety every female I know has about how heavy our carry on bags actually are and where the hell we're going to put them if the overhead is full
  3. Next comes Platinum
    The perks start to add up with platinum, especially if you aren't based out of Atlanta or Minneapolis. Upgrades become a regular thing and you start planning for a car service because there's a good chance you're going to get drunk on most flights
9 more...
In honor of his 8th birthday
  1. He's got a face only a mother could love
    People tell me this all the time but if I'm being honest, I disagree. I think he's a conventional beauty
  2. He curbs my xanax intake
    I read somewhere that petting a dog can slow your heart rate during a panic attack. Who knows if that is true but I take a lot more xanax when I'm away from him
  3. He doesn't only make me happy
    He keeps his second family (my parents) happy too
6 more...
  1. 1.
    You can't use the random Canadian quarter you have to jam the meter and then use the excuse that the meter is broken
  2. 2.
    You can never leave a spot early with the joy of knowing the person who parks there next has a 36 minute surprise waiting for them
  3. 3.
    The "transaction" fee to use the app
2 more...