TELL ME I'M NOT A LOSER

  1. I was supposed to go observe an ESL class tonight then start training as an instructor this weekend.
    ESL = English as a Second Language
  2. I couldn't do it.
  3. I agreed to be brave and sign up for it because I love the concept.
    It's a ministry that serves students who come to the US for medical training. They help them find apartments/cars/furniture, get settled, learn English, all good stuff. And in this Trump/anti-immigrant society, they need love and assistance.
  4. But I couldn't do it.
  5. I don't have time. I don't have energy. I can't bring myself to walk into a strange place with new people and start something totally new to observe. The thought of actually teaching one day was giving me panic attacks.
  6. So I didn't go.
  7. Even though my reasons are legit and social anxiety is real, I feel like an idiot.
  8. I cried the whole way home.
    It didn't help matters that there was road construction and every road I took to get there was a literal roadblock. I took it as a sign and went home.
  9. I still feel like a total loser.
    Please tell me I'm not. And please forgive me for groveling.