THINGS I EXPERIENCED INSTEAD OF A "RUNNER'S HIGH"

People have said that you reach a certain point when you run where every bit of pain, misery, exhaustion and tedium associated with running melts away to leave you with nothing but a state of pure bliss as your momentum carries you forth toward Nirvana. People lie. Instead, I get:
  1. Jogger's Cramp
  2. Galloper's Remorse
  3. Sprinter's Seventh Circle of Hell
  4. Speed Walker's Shame
  5. Dasher's Delirium
  6. Scurrier's Cardiac Arrest
  7. Scamperer's Misery