I mentioned in my last list that it's been a Bad Brain Week. It's something that has been building for months and came to a head about two weeks ago. I'm feeling calmer now, if not happy or even ok, and these are some of the things I did
  1. Went quiet on social media
    Apart from Li.st, which I'm not as active on as I am on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook and which I'm counting as therapeutic. I've pulled back massively, not posted anything in several days which is unheard of for me. I still read occasionally to keep up with my friends, but if I feel myself getting sucked in I make myself put my phone down and do something else
  2. Was out of the house as much as possible
    Whether that's walking, wandering round the areas near my home, going for a coffee...anything where I'm distracted and can't obsess
  3. Made things
    I wrote ten pages of a novel. I picked up a colouring book. I cooked. I made up recipes to try. I started a journal and drew and created in it. I edited a video I had footage for. I was just a little bit creative, enough to soothe me
  4. Did things
    Tidied the flat, meal planned, all the creative stuff above, organised cookbooks. Anything that gave me a sense of achievement and stopped the "I am a useless piece of crap and I'm wasting my life" panic
  5. Reached out to (select) friends
    When I first started getting low I whined a lot on social media. This didn't help. I'd fire out a sad tweet into the void and no-one would reply and I'd panic everyone hated me or I was annoying. And then I saw some tweets by a friend bitching about some unrelated things I'd said whilst low, which didn't help! Instead I met up with two friends for a coffee. I didn't tell them I was depressed - not sure they know. But one-on-one contact reassured me that I am an ok, non-awful person for a while
  6. Watched crappy TV
    Friends and The Big Bang Theory can make me furious if I think about them. So I watched them and didn't think about them. They are formulaic and comfortable and 20 minutes long and incredibly soothing for an anxious, miserable brain.
  7. Watched crappy TV WHILST doing something else absorbing
    Mainly colouring, but sewing helps here too. My brain can easily watch a TV show and send me into a meltdown because I'm worrying about other things or obsessing over how terrible a person I am. But give me a TV show and something like colouring which I'm fairly bad at and have to focus on, all I think about is the thing my hands are doing and what's on TV.
  8. Grooming
    One of the things I'm most miserable about at the moment is my weight and how much I've gained recently (THANKS, COMFORT EATING AS A COPING MECHANISM) so I've been putting extra effort into other areas. Painting my toenails, a face mask, all that stuff. It isn't something I do usually but forcing myself to spend time on my appearance tricks me into feeling like I'm worth it.
  9. The stuff I don't want to do
    Showering, which is the first thing to go when I feel sad. I made myself do it. Exercise - I feel shitty whilst doing it (not physically shitty but emotionally shitty at how bad I am at it and how awful my body is at doing anything apart from housing my brain) but it's something I KNOW is good for me and I feel calm knowing I'm at least doing something. I'm mainly walking (props to my husband for getting me out of the house) and Yoga With Adriene, a YouTuber I highly recommend
  10. Moped
    I feel sad. I'm letting myself feel sad. I'm writing down how sad I feel and why. Running away only makes me feel worse. Feeling sad doesn't make me a bad person, it just makes me a sad person. Accepting that I feel crappy right now and it's ok stops me worrying about it, even if it doesn't stop me feeling crappy
  11. So that's what I'm doing right now
    I go back to work tomorrow after a week on leave and my time to do all of this is going to be cut in half. Any suggestions of how to stop myself spiralling would be gratefully appreciated