1. I will interview every dj that comes through these doors so we will never have a horrible dj ever again.
  2. I missed the last week of school because I dislocated my jaw by chewing double bubble.
  3. Is the answer a. Plato b. Aristotle c. Shakespeare "Wait, isn't Plato clay you play with?"
  4. I watched part of the Bachelor on Snapchat, and now I feel so educated.
  5. don't take this the wrong way but your class smells like my dentist's office
  6. wow, I've never actually seen a teacher eat an apple.
  7. -“It’s not often I bring a tambourine to class, but when I do, I make music”
  8. While watching The Great Gatsby... Daisy reaches out her hand... Student says "she's a Jedi!"
  9. You look like a banana, but a really sexy banana
  10. Did you bring gum? Good- I brought the cayenne pepper.
  11. What are electrolytes and how did they get in my flavored water?
  12. I feel like my aesthetic is a white housewife living in British India.
  13. Well you know, we can't always pick our stalkers.
  14. I miss my dog more than I miss my boyfriend.