ALTERNATE FIRST NAMES THAT WOULD HAVE FIT ME WELL BUT CHANGED ME SUBTLY
Forget Jake. Chinatown!
- •RodneyRare, niche, gives license to be artistic. Definitely would've been taller and more handsome but in a very approachable way
- •BorisWould've been bar mitzvah'd and went on Birthright by now. Fewer friends in high school but far more vests in my repertoire. Would probably call Derek Jeter a "stand-up guy"
- •Bobby FlayCould've been fun and cool for my first decade but emergence of Food Network as cultural force would've been endlessly problematic
- •ChefI think this really could've worked because I enjoy sharing my talents with others and berating line cooks
- •ConnorThings are generally pretty easy for Connors but oh boy would I be headed for a quarter life crisis. Haircuts would be worse
- •Ala carteMy nickname in high school
- •Horny TrevorI think I would've been bullied despite the fact that my given name is Hornford Trevor