I'm basically a cartoon villain
  1. Using a person's full first name
    "It's been too long, MattHEW!" AhahaHA this slightest chastisement feeling is unbeatable
  2. Saying "thank you" a LOT...
    Especially before someone has even agreed to something
  3. And Part 2: saying "thank you" instead of "sorry"
    "Sorry I am late!"—> "Thank you for your patience!"
  4. Decline to use a valediction in emails. "Thanks, best, love", they're all for suckers and nerds
    —Jon *mic drop*
  5. Raising one eyebrow ever so slightly progressively higher throughout a conversation
  6. Have perfect posture
    Make them crane their neck to look up at you
  7. Ignoring someone for a week and then wordlessly reblogging a few of their tumblr posts / liking a couple recent-ish instas
  8. Taking out only one headphone to talk to someone
    The other one doesn't even have to have anything playing.
  9. Checking your phone momentarily about 2/3 of the way through someone's spiel
    Not actually checking it really. Just a quick show that you're multitasking and that time is money here
  10. Looking someone in the eye earnestly during a conversation, rarely if ever breaking away
    Except to do the phone glance
  11. Being well-dressed. Some say it's always better to be overdressed, and I sometimes agree, but I usually go for...
  12. Being underdressed but having better hair / skin than your opponent
    I love soft clothes. So I make it work.