NAMES I CANNOT DATE

Aka this list turned into free therapy because it's about my family and ex-boyfriends
  1. Bill
    Dad's name / strange name for a guy in his 20s
  2. Tim
    My twin brother. Has way too many associations, mostly negative, plus... the brother thing?... You can't like, say your brother's name in the heat of the moment
  3. Floyd
  4. Barney
  5. Barnaby
  6. Jedediah
    Actually I could. "Jed" could be cool and alternative
  7. Entering the part of the list in which I could maybe date them but there'd be hangups so significant as to render relationship doomed from the start:
  8. Jon / Jonathan
    My own goddamn name. This would present problems because I am a Jenna Mahoney -grade narcissist and I would feel infringed upon. In fact, my current boyfriend has an ex named John whom I ✨EXCLUSIVELY✨ call "Old John" 💅🏻
  9. William
    Dad's actual name but is maybe divorced enough it could work??
  10. David
    Ex #1. I broke up with him before college thinking what're the odds this chump will get into Harvard? But then he got into no other Ivy BUT Harvard, sooo ✨karma✨👍🏻🐋🔮💥
  11. Scott
    Ex #2. Secretly hated him. Then he tried to get me to give him a second chance while I was grieving the death of a best friend so biyee forever 🐋
  12. Dean
    Ex #3. Loved him painfully for way way too long
  13. Fred
    Ex #4. He went by Ivo, so add that name on. Also this guy was a grade a c-word and wouldn't let me sleep when we had arguments and I consider that to be torture I don't care if you have a don't go to bed angry rule and I also disagree with it
  14. Alex
    Ex #5. He threw a glass at me and didn't understand that I broke up with him for realsies after that. Like didn't get why I left the apartment
  15. Matthew
    Ex #6. A creative. I too am a creative. This was a ✨dramatic✨ relationship in every goddamn way and we enabled every single bad habit about each other