THINGS THAT CONTROL ME, WITH OR WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE

From the inane to the "wait that's maybe too dark?"
  1. Fitbit
    Inspired this list. Got it today and I stare at it while I walk as it counts my steps. I even skipped a bus / walked up the stairs instead of the escalator to get more steps. Is this good or bad, only time will tell
  2. Cheese
    I need to eat cheese and buy cheese and budget a significant portion of my gross income for cheese
  3. Wine
    See "cheese"
  4. My parents
    On a more serious note, they will bail me out if I dearly need it. And they have before and they may have to again as I try to "art" (opera singing and piano accompanying). On an even seriouser note, nature + nurture, eh? They've given me some good genes and some awful ones AND *bonus round* bestowed some pretty psychological presents of the fucked-up variety over the years and I'm sure these play out on a near daily basis
  5. My Buddhist beads
    I wear these 24/7 and will not leave my apartment without them if I do misplace them while showering or having sex (I sometimes put them on Mark to slyly indicate I'm in the mood)
  6. The boy I'm trying to make my boyfriend
    Speaking of Mark. That's his name and our first date was 6 weeks ago and I'm smitten and will drop everything to go be with him (unless it's a real work thing). Have had to uber home many early mornings and it was worth every penny
  7. Any number of classical composers
    I will spend my whole life polishing pieces by Schubert/Mozart/Britten/Fauré/Debussy/Poulenc/Beethoven/Mendelssohn/Bach/Barber/Strauss/Handel/Purcell/Tchaikovsky and that's the short list. This is both a great thing and a horrible thing and I feel like I'm letting them down constantly but I have the best of intentions and care a lot and that's the most I can honestly give as a young, young artist
  8. The fear of
    Couldn't even complete this after having it in drafts for days. Any old fear. It holds you back and that goes without saying but I think it's good to be as aware as possible when and why your fears are limiting you
  9. The internet
    This has its snares into most of us but mine is because I need a connection for spotify which I use maybe 18 hours a day. I need to be hearing or researching music all.the.time
  10. How much I sweat when I'm nervous
    Can't wear light grey without an undershirt if I have a presentation / to sing / play piano in public
  11. How small my sink is
    I have to do dishes a-fucking-gain?
  12. The Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority
    I live my life running from train to bus and back again. I've made some creative transfers in my day
  13. Crema
    There's a cafe by Harvard that owns my heart and soul. Their chicken tarragon salad. Their banana bread. Their chocolate chip cookie is huge. Their coffee their teas their lemonade their grilled cheeses (wait we're back to cheese? Should've known)