AMAZON CAN GO BLOW THEMSELVES: WE'RE LAUNCHING ORIGINAL VIDEO CONTENT ON JOANN.COM
- •You millennials love watching TV on the same website where you buy dream journals and off-brand condoms, so we thought, fuck it, we'll make some TV shows too.
- •Announcing Jo-Ann Fabrics' Spring 2016 lineup:
- •"Upper Deck a Michaels"In this game show, two teams of four will race through a Michaels crafts, taking shits in the water tank of every employee toilet. The winner gets the satisfaction of knowing they wrecked some dickhead's day. Fuck Michaels.
- •"Jo-Ann's Guide To Divorce"A spin-off of Bravo's hit show "The Girlfriend's Guide To Divorce," this show follows a fictionalization account of Jo-Ann's recent messy separation from her husband and business partner, Todd Fabrics. She'll cry! She'll knit! She'll try to stab Todd to death with a cookie cutter! The laughs never stop.
- •"Security Camera Footage: Store CA-118"We replaced the assistant manager at this Fresno-area store with a live Siberian Tiger. Watch as it growls at customers, eats ball after ball of yarn, and gets written up by Human Resources for "not being a team player."
- •Every show will feature seamless product integration from Kaiserkraft scrap booking supplies. Kaiserkraft: scrapbook like a German aristocrat.
- •So watch up, fuck knuckles. Only at Joann.com.