1. We know that you godless hippies LOVE to smoke reefer. But you know what will send you on a real "trip?"
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  2. Getting stoned off your tits and wandering through a Jo-Ann Fabrics.
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  3. Run your hands through our fantastic selection of velvet.
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  4. Snuggle up close with a fully-licensed Pillow Pet.
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  5. Scream "I am the one true king, Abraham Tittyfucking Lincoln" at a bewildered, elderly crowd.
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  6. Threaten to castrate a friendly security guard with a painted trowel.
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  7. Paint a whole BUNCH of upsetting images on the floor with our wide variety of acrylic paints.
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  8. Completely forget your own sense of self and collapse in a shivering, terrified heap by our incredibly patient cashiers.
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  9. Cause a fucking ruckus. Because you can.
  10. 30% off purchase if you're clearly stoned. Today only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.