CELEBRATE TRUMP'S FIRST HUNDRED DAYS BY BUYING EXPIRED ORANGE PAINT TO HURL AT MAR-A-LAGO

  1. Hey, will you look at that? We managed to survive 100 days of a literal sun-damaged asshole with his finger on the button!
  2. Sure, America's not quite "great again," or "functional," or "the international equivalent of a kid pissing in his own face on the playground," but we still have our health!*
    *at least until that gets taken away too.
  3. But in the meantime, Jo-Ann Fabrics is offering deals on all your favorite expired, rancid orange paints to give the "winter White House" a much-needed impromptu paint job. We've got:
  4. Baby Mush
  5. Tang Shart
  6. Robotrump Butthole
  7. Muppet Dick®
  8. Alt-Orange
  9. Look, we've got, like, 6 months left before President Orangutaint literally begs North Korea to bomb Honolulu so he can be president again. And we'll be god damned if we get annihilated before getting a chance to ruin his favorite big Florida toy.
  10. All expired orange paint 90% off with promo code "WATCHLIST." Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics