COMPLETELY FAIR AND BALANCED DESCRIPTIONS OF OUR COMPETITORS
Every now and then, we like to remind our competitors that we know they still exist. We find it makes them even more fearful for their continued survival.
- •Hobby LobbyThe Mike Pence of craft stores.
- •Home DepotThe kind of place you can go for pipe cleaners and a $6 handjob.
- •Ben Franklin StoresDick-flavored Chapstick.
- •AC MooreSeaWorld for moms at the end of their ropes.
- •DeSerresPansexual nightmare.
- •Artist And Craftsman SupplyAs inviting as a Pop Tart with jizz filling.
- •Pat Catan'sThe retail equivalent of a penis buried in excess body fat.
- •Blick Art MaterialsLike Color Me Mine, if everyone inside was a serial killer.
- •MichaelsLoad-bearing vaginas.