DUE TO PENDING LAWSUITS, WE CAN NO LONGER OFFER THE FOLLOWING IN-STORE CLASSES

Despite all the great things we do for our shoppers, you fuckers keep finding ways to mess up a perfectly good operation. Because of various pending lawsuits, Jo-Ann Fabrics can no longer offer the following in-store classes:
  1. Sticking Your Dick In A Birdhouse
  2. Yarn Eating 201
  3. How To Fuck Good With Magic Dave
  4. Make-Your-Own Razors
  5. Craft A Threatening Letter To A Celebrity
  6. Knitting After Dark
  7. Making Prison Wine For Fun And Profit
  8. Weave-Your-Own Child Leash
  9. Advanced Sticking Your Dick In A Birdhouse
  10. We could offer these classes again if you dildozers stop maiming yourselves at Jo-Ann locations nationwide.