IF IT'S A CRIME TO LOVE AMERICA AND ALSO SELL COCAINE, THEN LOCK US THE FUCK UP

  1. "Uncle Sam" decided to start some shit with good ol' Jo-Ann Fabrics, "charging" us with "felonies" just because of we don't believe this BULLSHIT about "Schedule II Drugs."
  2. Sorry, we thought this was FUCKING AMERICA.
  3. Our forefathers didn't smash those limey British jagoffs in their colonial dirt buttons for us to let some trumped-up G men tell US how to run a business.
  4. We mean, is selling a little yayo even really that much of a crime?
  5. Shit, more people die each year by getting stabbed to death by our knitting needles than by any cocaine-related causes.
  6. So we're fighting this bullshit. We're Jo-Ann Motherfucking Fabrics. King King ain't got shit on us!
  7. 50% off knitting needles. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.