IF THE UK CAN VOTE TO LEAVE EUROPE, CAN WE VOTE TO PUT MICHAELS ON A BARGE AND THEN BURN SAID BARGE?

  1. So a whole bunch of BULLSHIT happened today.
  2. But you know what? We're not scared by the UK leaving the Eurozone.
  3. We're motherfucking INSPIRED.
  4. If those dipshits can vote to fuck over a whole continent, then can't we, as honest, God-fearing Americans, come together and vote to put every Michaels in the country in a giant barge, push it out to sea, and then light that motherficker on fire?
  5. Seriously, the world is already going to hell in a hand basket.
  6. We just want to make sure that Michaels® brand craft stores get to hell before the rest of us.
  7. Thanks to some incredibly well-paid lobbyists, we've managed to get congress to propose a measure to send Michaels to a fiery sea grave.
  8. Please, call and email your congressional representative and encourage them to vote yes on House Resolution 825 - the "Fuck Michaels!" bill.
  9. Together, we can use the sledgehammer of Democracy against the watermelon of sub-par craft stores.
  10. Free "Yes on 825!" buttons with every purchase. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.